Is my mom being fair?

okay, so i am 14 years old. i dated someone even though my mom told me i was not allowed to date, and i knew that too, and she got all mad at me. i m not allowed to go to friends houses anymore since i "can t be trusted". she said i can t go anywhere anymore until i m 18, i apologized to her and stuff and she said she forgave me, but she still won t let me go anywhere. she thinks i m trying to be all grown just because i had a boyfriend. but i m not trying to be, i m just a typical teenager. do you think she s being fair? do you think there s anything that can convince her to let me go to friends houses and other places again? i ve tried everything.


Absolutely UNfair. Stifling. But you behaved immaturely. They always say 18...never lasts. 3 weeks was my mother's max.. she didn't want me around house, i got on her nerves. My first boyfriend was at 14. It didn't ruin my life. But if I get a do-over, I'll wait longer. Give Mom week or so. Don't sneak out. If she sees you behaving responsibily she may relax the rules. If she doesn't, at least you tried✌️💙


Trust is like a bank account. You do things to add to the bank account (build trust) then you do something to take away trust (disobey, lie, etc). At some point a parent decides if you have any trust credit left in your account and when it is at a zero balance - shithappen - you might not like it but your parent is responsible for you and a hell of a lot smarter. Start building your trust account back up - it takes time and I can tell you nothing pisses off a parent MORE than an untrustworthy child...


In my opinion your mom's anger and her restriction of you was fair and just, since you disobeyed her deliberately, but I also think that the restriction until you're 18 is ridiculous, and I doubt that she really intends to to try to restrict you until then. As for convincing her to trust you again, the only way you can probably do that is by being super-trustworthy from now on, bringing up your desire to go to friend's houses only occasionally, taking her "no" when she says it, and waiting for her to eventually cool off and trust you again.

pit bulls bite

she should give you another chance

Suzy Q

While I wouldn't have a problem with my 14 year old dating a good kid around the same age, her reasoning is completely fair. You knew the rules. You had certain freedoms. You abused those freedoms to break the rules. You proved you can't be trusted with those freedoms, so losing them is the natural consequence of your actions. While I wouldn't impose this particular rule, the way your mum handles the situation matches my own parenting style. It's likely she said 'until 18' in the heat of the moment, but now that she said it, any obvious attempt you make to get it revoked will only make her hang on to it in order to stay consistent. The only thing you can do is show her you can follow the rules, and in time she may trust you again. But be warned this is not a matter of days or weeks on your best behaviour. To convince her you've truly mended your ways instead of only trying to LOOK trustworthy you're looking at a process of months or even years.


I've never understood parents who do this. It's just a boyfriend, no big deal. You have to grow up some time, and what's experience in relationships going to do but help you in the future and boost your happiness? She's being a bit ridiculous.

Janet: Get this straight

Get this straight: Life has nothing to do with “fair”. All actions have consequences and you either risk it or you follow the rules. That is reality. The difference between adults and children is that: ADULTS understand that they cannot make all the rules, and that there are consequences if they break the rules. They make a decision based on whether or not they are willing to pay the price, and if they get caught, they assume responsibility for the consequences and don’t whine about it. CHILDREN feel that if they want to do something, they can break whatever rules they want, and if there are consequences, they whine about it. Since you are still a child, it is right that she not let you go running around on your own. You apologized. That is good. Murderers who apologize for killing someone STILL go to jail. Apologies do not undo the consequences. Even better .. she has forgiving you. But she is a GOOD mother who understands that you are living in a fantasy where there are no consequences, and that if you don’t learn this now, you will fail throughout your adult life. Her job as a mother is to prepare you for an adult … not to give you everything you want.


Fair has nothing to do with it. You are 14, she is legally responsible for you and has, literally, the power of life and death over you. You were given trust, you blew it. Your privileges were revoked. Learn the lesson; trust is hard won but easy lost. You will have a tonne of work to do to get it back.

Pearl L

i dont think its fair but she nnight change her nnind after a while


Just be respectful and do what she says for awhile and it'll all blow over and you'll be back to doing whatever you were before all this.


thats not fair and you deserve to have a life. at 14 you should be having fun with friends and having a boyfriend is harmless just as long as you are being responsible and not doing stupid things.