Inlaws don’t hardly speak to me but want to hold my baby ?
When you greet them at the door, say, "The baby is sleeping. Why don't we visit a few minutes first and then I'll go and get her." Your husband can be in the other room with her while you visit. Enlist your husband in this, too. He can talk to his family. You can also hold your baby, say hello, and say "The price of holding the baby is to say hello to me." Then wait. She'll say hello if she sees she doesn't get to hold the baby otherwise.
Tell them to **** off
I don't get along with or really like my in laws. But bottom line, we all love the same people and want what is best for them. You might never get the relationship you want with them but that is no reason to deprive your child of love.
This is about YOUR ego and your insecurity. Rise above that. It is good for your child to have as large a family network as possible. You are a mother now and have to start thinking about more than your own ego.
Do you talk to them?? Force it..
Make her talk to you. Ask her direct questions that require an answer beyond a yes or no.
I would say see this as a positive first bridge to building a better relationship with them. For the sake of your child, it is worth trying to build a relationship with them. It is always better for children to have a healthy relationship with both sides of the family. Also, if you have a falling out with your in-laws and stop your child from having a rich relationship with them your child will always blame you and resent you even if they are in the wrong. It is always better to let children to decide they don't want a relationship with your in-laws on their own. That being said, if the relationship is getting significantly abusive I would say cut off contact. But having your in-laws barely talk to you certainly doesn't qualify as abuse. Remember that relationships are built over time. It sounds like maybe your sister-in-law is perhaps very shy. None of this means that what your going through isn't difficult. When we aren't dealing with family we have every right to just cut someone off who isn't very friendly who isn't making an equal effort in the relationship. But when it comes to family, especially in-laws, we have an obligation to our spouse and our children to make an extra effort because investing in our relationship with our in-laws is a gift that we give to our spouse and our children. Once again, that is not a reason to submit to true abuse. But it does mean that we give in-laws more of a benefit of the doubt and more chances, and that perhaps we may have to give more than we get. How do you take care of yourself in all of this? I've heard it said that friends are God's apology for family. Make sure that you have good friends that support you and invest in you so that you don't emotionally NEED your in-laws to support you and invest in you. Remind yourself at all times that you are doing this as a gift to your child because you know it will make a difference to your child's happiness. If you can honestly give emotionally to your in-laws without expecting anything in return, chances are they will eventually warm up to you.
Do you say hello to them? This is a two-way street, yet you seem to be stuck in a dead end.
A lot of new mothers feel completely ignored when it comes to new babies. Since you don't see them that much, don't worry about it. Your life is no longer your own anyway! Shrug a shoulder and just move on.
Remember it's also their son's baby.
Unfortunately some people are not very friendly or shy. It can come across as being rude. I'm what I call painfully shy and it took me years to see myself from other people's point of view. I didn't know I seemed to be rude or uncaring. I have to work harder to be friendly. It's now becoming more natural thankfully. The best you can do is be friendly and if she doesn't respond in a friendly way then that is her problem. Just sit next to her and talk. Give open questions where she answer is more than yes and no. This is how I deal with being so shy. It's easier for people to talk about themselves so I often ask questions that will require a long reply and I don't have to talk too much.