Can I talk to my mother about this?

I'm a 16 year old guy, I live with my mom, older sister and little brother. My mom has always been a single mother, I have no trouble whatsoever for her to have a boyfriend. But her boyfriend acts like he's young and badass. I mean he is not a bad guy, he helps her and he is very nice to us. Helps my little brother do his homework and has spend time with us more than our real father ever did and will ever do. My mom talk to us over at dinner and told us what do we think about James moving in. My little brother was excited, my older sister said it was ok and I told her I needed some time. I have no problem for him to move in, but they have been together for 8 months. What if he is not who we think he is? I'm scared. Scared that he'll hurt us if he turns out to be someone else. Should I talk to my mom about my fear?

Answers

Jessi

Yes you need to be honest about that kinda stuff

Yes, talk to her.

LizB

Yes, talk to your mom. 8 months is too soon to live with anyone, IMO, even young adults without kids. If they were smart they wouldn't be living together until they were seriously discussing marriage.

Janet

Of COURSE he is not who you think he is. But who he IS might be acceptable. It takes AT LEAST 2 years of being with someone before you start to see who they REALLY ae. Will he hurt you? Physically? Almost no chance of that. Will YOU hurt yourself, emotionally, if you get attached to him and then he and your mother break up? That depends on your cognitive self-statements and how you consciously allow yourself to respond to the situation. Talk to your mom about your fear. Just to get it off your chest but also so that she can understand any future fear-reactions you might exhibit. But don't expect it to change her decision. When it comes to other people's romances, you really have no control over that. Just relax and accept whatever this moment holds. That IS the only thing you CAN know. The future hasn't happened yet. And while we do need to prepare for the future (especially in matters of career, education and finances), we cannot LIVE in the future. And 90% of the things we fear turn out to never happen, so all we have done is make ourselves miserable over a fantasy. And when what we fear DOES happen, we are too busy dealing with it to be frightened by it. Like when you walk into a room where the floor is covered with marbles ..you are too busy working to stay upright to think "Omg .. what if I walk into a room of marbles?!!!!). Just live your life. Be as self-aware as possible at all times, and pay attention to the stories you are feeding into your brain AND to the emotions that arise FROM what you feed into your brain. We should never feed in "stories" that are false, but we need to be careful that we are not feeding our fear and suffering through the stories we select to go with.

KayleenR

Yes it is Ok for you to feel this way. Talk to Mom about it, if he was going to hurt you he probably would have already done it

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