Help me, Please, what should I do? Cus I feel suicide.....?

I have many fears. I hate who I am. I guess not so many men feel the same ****. Basically, my bornplace is rushia. But in the rest of whole my life I feel foreign around rushians... The can't understand my mind and can't understand their... And for a time I become a hater, now I hate everything what associated with rusha. I never had friends in rusha, never had anything good from there. Even my father can't get my feelings. I always say "You, rushians... Why do you, rushians, do that? Are you all such?" I am like a guy who comes to the land where he never been before. And I become so mad when somebody calls me rushian... I am very afriad so when I move to America everybody will consider me like just immigrant and call me rushain. And if I am goint to do something great, after my death everyone just say "he was a good rushian immigrate who has done many things for America.." I m afraid of that becaus I am not rushian and hate that fact that I am actually am.... What should I do? Some peeps say that I should accept it but I can't and never will. And this is all - I hate rushians character and habitsб hate that fact that I have an accent and afriad of that I never rid of it. Cus I wanna totally rid of rusinan sounding in the speech... I hate rushian nation and I become hate myself cus everyone says - " Stop insulting rushians around, you ARE ( :((( ) rusian".... P.S. I really love America with whole my heart! I can die for that. I know history better than many "real" Americans, I love everything that. Using websites I finally found friends who I can talk to and who really understand me, and I get them.... They usually ask me "Are you sure you were born in rusha and have been living there for 20 years since birthday? Cus it seems like you are near me - on Jefferson street of Alabama)" I love when they say that to me.... But it's just courtesy I think... And what should I do when somebody calls me rushain? Stop talking to him but even my fatherer says so... Can't I stop communicating with him? Let's correct some mistakes to nobody say that... I have that guy who I am* born place* In the rest of my life* Rushia is always rusha here, it could be, it's not a mistake* They can't understand my mind and I can't understand them* And for a time = And so* hate everything That associated with rusha* I have never had friends* where he has never been be4* when I ll move to America* consider me (like) just immigrate* I hate that fact that I actually am* And this is all - and that's all* Commas*