My 13 year old daughter has several anxiety disorders and is having attendance issues at school.?

I had homeschooled her for 1/2 of last year. The psychologist she was tested with for the diagnoses said she should reintegrate back into school and I have really tried. But now we’re back to her refusing to go to school. She gets to the point where she’s been having stomach problems (and not just at school times) and I have literally picked her up and dragged her to the car. I am tired and I have all but given up. She wants to homeschool again but She stopped doing the work last time right around the same time I had gotten the test results back saying I should get her back in school. I don’t want to make her anxiety worse by either allowing her to escape it or forcing her to deal with it. What do you think I should do?

Politically Correct

Have you tried asking her what is troubling her? There may be a group of girls that are ganging up on her. Children often have a hard time telling a parent things like that so you may need to be both subtle and patient. If she is with a group of mean girls she can either move to another school or stay down a year. If the psychologist says she should 'reintegrate', you might want to find out what that means. I would look into maybe taking her in for one or two lessons to start with. Lessen the anxiety by making baby steps. Is there a class that she really enjoys? That would be the place to start. I agree with the other poster, having her sit at home and dwell on this is what she needs like a hole in the head. But a 13 year old girl is perfectly capable of running away, cutting herself or overdosing so be careful. Make firm boundaries but not unreasonable demands.


You really need to consult with the psychologist she’s been seeing, not Yahoo “Experts”. However, here are a few things you should know: Anxiety and depression are chemical inbalances in the brain. School is not a cause, although situations at school can be a trigger, in the same way that situations at work, trauma or abuse at home, or other highly stressful situations can be. It doesn’t have to be that there’s a particular situation at school either. Removing her from school will not cure the anxiety or depression. You’ll be in the same situation five years from now where she will be unable to work or go to college. Isolation can worsen these conditions. Homeschoolers don’t have to be isolated, but it sounds as if she is choosing that route. Stopping to work during home education is an indication that the mental illness is still present. And that it’s actually not about school. There are a few things you’ve left out of your question. Is she in talk therapy? She should be regardless of school or homeschool. If she is and it doesn’t seem to be helping, as seems to be the case, you need to seek a second opinion. And this time I would see a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist because adjunct therapy with medication could be helpful, particularly in the short term. Don’t give up. Seek a second *professional* opinion. Treatment should be individualized. Mental health conditions should not be a source of shame. They are not your daughter’s fault


I see you picked a best answer but I'd like to offer some advice too. My anxiety and mental disorders began at the age young age of 13. I actually use to lock myself in the bathroom and eventually my parents had to go to work so I'd be able to stay home. My problems were due to many different things that at times I honestly had no idea what was causing them and my parents sure didn't. But I did give them a lot of grief and trouble. It's wonderful your daughter is getting help mentally. My parents refused that until my first suicide attempt at 15. Is the in weekly therapy? Anxiety will not go away with just a pill. She has to find the root cause of it and learn healthy coping skills. My coping skills at age 13 were cutting which led to a suicide attempt at 15. I threw myself down my basement steps. Yes, I'm trying to shock you because self harm often leads to suicide attempts. She needs weekly therapy so she has a safe place to express her anxiety. The next thing you need to consider is that her and her therapist are a good match. Is the therapy progressing and going well? I was many different therapists and psychologists from the age of 15- my late 20s. Only 3 were good and helpful.If the patient and therapists don't work well together then the patient won't heal. I too fought stomach problems and yes a lot of it is due to the anxiety, stress and depression. But, I was also later diagnosed as an adult with IBS. My stomach problems were so bad as a teenager I actually got dehydrated often. I was so sick at times I couldn't even leave the bathroom. There is something at school preventing her from watching to do. Have you tried enrolling her into a new school? My parents finally enrolled me into a private Christian school at the suggestion of one psychologist. The school was wonderful and classes were small. Sadly the move to the new school came too late. I was 17 & entrance tests show I was not even prepared for the 10th grade. This was due to my family moving all the time and me getting lost in the system. The school head masters took pity on me and I was placed in the 10th grade. Sadly after another suicide attempt I quit and got my GED. But, my point is if I had been placed in a school with smaller classes and stricter rules to prevent bullying I just may have graduated on time. So if you haven't look into it and maybe she will agree this would work for her. Homeschooling may be the best thing for her but my biggest concern is she may use it to isolate herself. Look into local homeschooling groups. We have many that meet around my area and they offer classes, sports and so many other things. Some meet a few times a week, some meet weekly and some meet just once a month. I'd suggest you take this holiday season time to talk to her and see if she will open up about what's going on. When I was 13 I was actually being sexually harassed by this girl and her brother. I think it sounds crazy but it's true. I was so ashamed I couldn't even tell my parents. I did tell them the girl was bullying me and the school moved her to other classes so I didn't see her in hall but her and her brother kept sexually harassing me. I'm now in my early 40s and never even told them about it due to shame. But, something is going on at school that makes her feel unsafe. I feel forcing her to go will make things a lot worse. So start weekly therapy if you haven't, look into a smaller private school or homeschool groups. Spend a lot of time with her during Christmas break and hopefully she will open up to you.


The most important question to me is why does her therapist think she needs to be reintegrated into public school? There might be a compromise available, but I cannot suggest things without knowing that detail.


tell her to stop being nervous about stuff


Take her to school until she realises that is the way it is going to be. Also get her some psychological help with her anxiety. Her anxiety issues and education are not going to get any better if she sits at home pretending to work.