Guys please help me understand the following passage?
"He knew the answer, but even that was not a full explanation. Different segments of the organism called John Kelly knew different parts of the whole story, but somehow they'd never all come together, leaving the separate fragments of what had once been a tough, smart, decisive man to blunder about in confusion and despair? There was a happy thought. He remembered what he'd once been, he remembered all the things that he'd survived, amazed that he'd done so. And perhaps the worst torment of all was that he didn't understand what had gone wrong. Sure, he knew what had 'happened' but those things had all been on the outside, and somehow his understanding had gotten lost, leaving him alive and confused and without purpose. He was an autopilot. He knew that but not where fate was taking him."
Context: John Kelly is an ex Navy Seal, nam veteran who'd been through hell. This is where he picks up a totally random girl who happens to be on the interstate, but she hadn't been asking for a ride. Kelly was on his way home. Kelly sees her just standing at the side of the road and he pulls over so she reaches up to him and asks where he was going and he says he was going home and asks if she'd like to come along, she agrees. But he hadn't really given it a conscious thought before picking her up, it was totally random and now he's been wondering as to why on earth he is taking her with him, and why she'd agreed.. His wife and her unborn baby had died 6 months ago from a car crash.
When they say "different parts of the organism called John Kelly", they are talking
about his subconscious that he keeps hidden from himself, that he doesn't want to
think about. He doesn't know what he wants anymore, because of his....depression.
They are making him sound like his loss has mentally weakened him, and perhaps
he has some attraction for this girl he has picked up, but is too broken (or modest)
to admit it to himself. The author is just throwing this in to prevent the main character
from sounding like an insensitive lout who is already trying to pick-up women that soon
after his family perished. If he knows not where fate is taking him, he can hardly be blamed.
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Anyone have quotes from crime and punishment about the use of drugs and alcohol possibly with page number? Anything helps thanks!?