How do I deal with this?

I don't even know how to word this properly, but I moved to another state and planned to stay for about a year, maybe more, but I will return home next year. I just needed a change of scenery to work on some personal issues in a more positive environment. My mom can be very negative and controlling even though she means well. I'm concerned that when I come back....I feel I'll be in the same place with her emotionally. She's going to try to control what I do again and force her negativity on me. I won't be living with her. I'm hoping to get a place of my mom rather quickly once I come back and I know that I'm an adult and she shouldn't have that hold over, but this is how she's been my whole life. I want to set boundaries, but I know she'll be offended...Only those with controlling mothers will understand me. :( I just don't want to be in her negative space anymore. It really sucks to say this, but since I've been here I haven't missed her. I love my mom very much, but I feel better being away from her. I'm going home for lots of reasons, but I just don't want to fall back into the same stuff and especially with my mom. Also, not sure if this matters, but my dad really is not in my life. I have plenty of other family and friends at home. Place of my own** My mom was one of those mother's that believes I owe her my life for her giving birth to me and putting a roof over my head...

Judy & Charlie

Wait. I would stay where you are for another year or even a half year. When you choose to go home, do your best to have a job lined up and an alternate place to stay other than your Mom's. Every one of us has to cut the apron strings sooner or later. You need to learn how to assert yourself in a healthy way to your mother. Remember she has no control over don't let her. You will have to set limits early and often. But do not raise your voice or lose your temper, merely set the limits like an adult. She has no power over you.

Serene E

So don't go back. Go visit, see if you can set boundaries. If you can't, don't move back.


Move back near her when you have a place of your own, not *with* her. She doesn't have to approve. If you move in with her, with plans to leave as soon as you can you'll just be miserable and there's that big confrontation when it's time to go. Don't make an issue of it, just be an adult.


nnaybe you should stay where you are if you dont want your nnother controlling you