Why cant I forget her?

Recently due to some stupidity on my part my friend has stopped all conta t with me. We used to talk all the time. Now no more. I used to work with her and due to me not taking my meds I had some serious highs and went off on her. I feel so guilty for doing it and would love to go back and apologize for it but I am nervous right now may not be the time. I can't forget this and its knawing at me. I realize my selfishness and want her to know that that's what I was doing. I'm not wanting anything in return so how do I let her know that

Blue Sky 🐾

Send her a text or email and explain yourself. If she's blocked you, then write it down on paper and hand it to her. If she refuses to reply, then at least you know you tried your best to mend the fence between you and her.