How do you deal with self centered relatives?

I have a wedding coming up and this is the biggest problem. The guy who is getting married is a cousin of mine. He is about 5 years younger than me. I dont like him because he did something disrespectful to me a year ago and he never apologized. See some of my relatives got a weird personality which I can't explain. You just know that they are weird because you have to meet them and because they are relatives. If I have to explain, it is like a 10 year story which nobody can write. So my motto has been "stay away from negative people". Should I come to this SOB wedding and feel the pressure? PS: note that they are weird and not stupid. Because I can live with stupid people. But it is hard to talk with weird people. and BTW we are all working adults what do you think about this? this cousin of mine when he was still dating with his (now) fiance, he always brings his entire family to his dates. They would walk in a mall and eat together in a group of 6 with his married brother. He is 36 years old and he did this every week..... weird.... @patricia: "Be a role model, maybe.....?" yes if the people are normal but if you do it to a weird person, would it make any change? do they even realize?


If you don't like your cousin and feel like holding a grudge with him the rest of your life, then don't go to the wedding. Stay home and then you won't have to deal with the drama.


It is inconsiderate to be conspicuously absent from a family wedding. That is, family feuds are private family matters and should be kept private, kept in the family. Unless you want sever ties with family, stop being part of the family, then it's a family obligation to attend family weddings unless there is obvious reason not to like travelling distance. It would be very inconsiderate to put your family members in the awkward position of dealing with "I see Frank isn't here; is he sick?" questions. (Please, let's not have the absurd suggestion that such expressions of concern be met with "None of your freekin' business.") Go to the wedding, do the expected niceties with them and otherwise avoid them, and be among the first to leave if you like. Nobody likes the person who seeks to add drama to a family feud. Everybody admires the peacemaker, the bigger person who lays down the grudge at least long enough to allow the family to present a united front to "the other family" involved in the wedding.


If you don't want to maintain a relationship with this guy, then check off "declines" on the RSVP card and mail it back. You don't have to (and should not) explain why you're not attending. If the hosts or other family members are rude enough to question why you're not going, simply say "I cannot attend" and leave it at that. If you already said you would attend, then honor your commitment. Show up dressed nicely and smile, wish the couple well, and then make polite small talk with people. If there's someone in attendance that you don't care for, avoid them if you can, or just say a polite hello and then excuse yourself. Don't make someone else's wedding all about you. You seem to just want to complain about these people. Do everyone a favor and keep your whiny behind at home ... nobody wants to hear you piss and moan all night.


Dear Lord. If you RSVP that you'd attend, just go and try to find some manners. Or decline and be on your way.


Give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Do you know that almost ALL people do or say something disrespectful to someone else at least a few times in their lives? Well, they do. Just go to the wedding and behave like you think a person ought to. Be a role model, maybe.....?


don't have to go I have found that people that never get along with most/all their relatives, they themselves are the problem


suck it up and deal with it... you're an adult. you have a job and responsibilities and everything. so please, act like it. it's only a day...


If you're not going to be anything but happy to be there, then don't go. Kind of seems like a waste of time to me.

♥ Abby ♥

That’s a apriblem most only care for themselves


You most certainly don't have to go to a wedding. You could just send them a card with a gift card in it (if you got an invitation) and just move on in your life. Easy peasy.


Don't go then. Clearly his fiancé was ok with the family dates since she agreed to marry him, lol :) The lack of an apology, well it's either time to let that go or just write him off as someone you no longer care to associate with.


I have a similar problem only they are a lot worse than disrespectful and someone's advice to me was if you can't beat them join them. And I can't seem to win they are relentless and repulsive. I want out but I need their help sometimes now after all these years. I'm 54 and close to retirement either get your ducks in a row and cut them off or live with it. I don't like their ways but I realize now they were right sometimes. More often than I care to admit.


You're complicating this. Like they say, an invite is not a summons. If you get invited and don't want to go (for whatever reason), just decline the invite and send it back. If you want to go, accept the invite and send it back.


Maybe he didn't realize he was being disrespectful to you (you did say your relatives have weird personalities), so if that was the case maybe he felt he didn't have to apologize. You don't have to go to the wedding if you feel that way. If you go, you don't have to talk to him or be that close to him.


That is easy once you learn a key lesson. You don't have the ability to change other people into who you want them to be. You only have the ability to change yourself. Once you can accept that fact, the other relatives that bother you so much won't because you will accept them for who they are. Personally it wasn't until I was 35 before I could truly learn this lesson, but once I did it was a huge load off my mind, Stop demanding these people to be nicer more generous non-weird people, and see them for who they are. That frustration will disappear and allow you to relax in their presence. If they are negative people, so what? That isn't your problem, it's theirs.


Don't go. Sounds like you haven't go much of a relationship anyway. That's sad that you think that all your relatives are self centered.

Trivial One

You sound very caught up in yourself. If you don't want to spend time with your relatives, and you get something in return for holding this grudge, then don't go to the wedding. It's just that simple.


Don't go. You might have to deal with relatives.


No. If you don't like the person why attend their wedding.


I've never felt pressured to go to a cousin's wedding. Well, not so.. I went to one cousin's wedding when I was 15 and my folks hauled me there. But not since.


Forgive him, but stay away


No, not if that's your attitude.


just leave them to their fantasies ...........................