Is a five year age difference too much for marriage?

My sister is 20 and her fiancee is 25. They met when he was 23 and she was 18! She was the maid of honor in a wedding where he was the groomsman. She was still in high school! My parents and I have begged and pleaded with her to wait until she finishes college in a year and a half. This guy has a decent job and makes enough I guess. He's never been in any trouble with the law (I checked) and went into the Air Force after hs, and a year after got out, graduated from college. So he SEEMS pretty solid, except that at 23 he was going after a high school girl. She laughs about having to prove he was 18 by showing him his license when they met. But that's not funny, that's kind of sick. My parents weren't happy at first, but they seem to come around. I haven't said anything to anyone in a long time about it, because I know it's none of my business.


No, but 20 is *very* young to get married.


"I haven't said anything to anyone in a long time about it, because I know it's none of my business." Absolutely correct. Follow your gut and keep butting out. Your parents ought to do the same. Your opinion, and our opinion, doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Even though I agree with you that this sounds like a bad idea, it's not like it'll make a difference. If they are single adults then it's their choice, not yours. It's not like you saying "Gee maybe you're too young" will magically change their minds. And if they haven't asked for your opinion then it's rude of you to give it. So STFU and mind your business. It is pointless to waste time and brain cells worrying about something that has jack shiiit nothing to do with you.


MYOB. She's an adult. Leave her alone.


Nope My parents were 5 years apart and were happily married for over 60 years before Dad passed My older sister is 8 years younger then her husband, they get a long fine My wife is 4 years older then I am, we have been happily married for 42 years

Beverly S

They are both adults so it's really only their business..they were both adults when they met.. He sounds like a catch to me!




In this case, yes. She is still growing and finding who she is. By 24 she may realize that she made a mistake. After all, she has only been with him so she does not have to become an adult.


It isn't the five years between them, it's that they are still young. They will go through with this, because they are legally adults and can. Stand by them, stop looking for reasons it won't work, and be there for your sister no matter how it turns out. You never know.


Don't be ridiculous. And when they met, she was a legal adult. It's hardly some great crime for a 23-year-old to date an 18-year-old. It's legal in every state and every country on the planet. Stay out of it, little troll.


It is right now but just due to her current age, she's too young to get married. If she was 30 and he was 35 I'd have a different answer for you.


Its not much of a difference..


At 23, he was going after an 18 year old. She was an adult. No, a five year age difference isn't too much. You're delusional if you think people can't be married because of a MINOR age difference of five years..


It's fine. They're both adults, albeit without much life experience under their belt, and they should be supported in their decision.


He was respectful enough to ask for her license to see her age because he did not want to do the stupid thing and date a minor. She was and adult when she began dating him. No, five years difference in age is not really a big deal. They are both adults. It is not like he was 17 and she was 12, five years younger!! You are right, it really is none of your business and quite frankly, reading between the lines, I think you are kinda jealous of their relationship. You can find nothing wrong with his past, he has an honorable military history, makes money and has a good job after finishing schooling. Sooooo, what is your real problem here? I met my husband when I was in high school, after he graduated four years earlier. Big deal.


You're right - it is none of your business. Five years' difference in ages is nothing, and your sister and her boyfriend are both adults. I can see no reason for you or your parents to object. He sounds like a great catch! They aren't breaking any laws, and they weren't breaking any laws when they began dating when she was 18. When she was 18, she was a legal adult and she could date whomever she wanted to date.


No, maturity level at time of ceremony is all that matters.


Five years difference is nothing when traveling through life together. My concern would be she still is in college. He should be telling her to focus only on her studies. Not a wedding and marriage.


Oh dear me, when he's 52 she'll only be 47. Horrors! No, I don't think a 5 year age difference is a big deal once everybody is over 21. My concern would be that they've only known each other for 2 years. IMO that's usually not enough time for two people to know each others' characters (not habits and tastes -- character) well enough to even get engaged. And an engagement needs to last long enough for couples to do the hard work of nuts & bolts preparation for married life like budgeting together, like a trial run being "one of the family" to future in-laws, like learning to deal with serious differences constructively. This work doesn't get done if the engagement is little more than an exciting whirl of wedding planning. And no, I don't think marriage preparation can happen prior to that mutual agreement to marry. The idea of a DATING couple having meaningful discussions of "WE need trade in your snazzy gas guzzling vehicle for something economical" or "WE need to spend less of our weekend time with your mother" is nutso. A "This is what we want for our marriage" conversation is just a fanciful "This is what we'll do when we hit the lottery" dream until the couple has actually and officially agreed to marry.


Don’t be absurd.


No. The education levels make more of a difference. If he is a college grad and she just finished high school and started working then there will be issues in regards to what they talk about.


No I do not. I do not think your sister should get married until she is done with college. College take a lot of time. Marriage take a lot of time. It's a lot of stress to put on her. Why not wait until she is 22? She is out of school. Things happens, she may not finish the school.