Right or wrong.. you decide.?

So I married my husband almost ten years ago. Now my sister in laws wedding is coming up. Not only was I not invited to look at dresses with her for her but I’m not even a bridesmaid. I thought we were close but obviously the feeling isn’t mutual. Then to top it all of I didn’t even know if my daughter (who is six and her only niece) would even be a flower girl). To make me even feel worse about it all she didn’t ask or tell me nothing was even said to me nor my husband. I had to ask my mother in law who was her flower girl. Then she told my mother in law one day over the phone apparently to apologize to me from her. I’m not too awful happy to say the least. And I feel like if she was truly sorry she could at least txt or call me. Am I wrong to feel this way?


You need to untwist your knckers. Nobody is entitled to be a bridesmaid, and if you're old enough to have been married ten years, you are well and truly old enough to know better.


Even if you were her conjoined twin, you are not OWED a spot in her wedding party or anything.


YOU are 100% wrong. You never should expect or ask to be in someone's wedding.


Wrong. You are not entitled to a place in anyone's wedding party. You are not entitled to go dress shopping. Your child is also not entitled to anything. You can feel however you want, but the simple fact is that this is HER wedding and SHE has the right to choose whom she wants in her bridal party. Being close to someone doesn't entitle you to anything.. get over it.


Why would she tell you? If you were asked, or your daughter was asked, then you would be clear. If you're not asked, then it's equally clear that you're not being invited to be in the wedding party. You didn't have to ask; simply, you weren't asked.


um she doesn't have to? she probably is inviting her best friend to do all that with her.


You can feel whatever emotions you want, but your expectations are unrealistic. Your SIL doesn't necessarily hold a grudge against you, but every bride needs to make choices about who is or isn't in the bridal party. Perhaps she could have explained her choices to you beforehand, but being hurt isn't productive.


You're right, if someone is truly sorry, they call you directly to apologise. So guess what - your sis-in-law is not sorry. Because she has no reason to be sorry. Nobody is owed a spot in someone else's wedding. You need to work on your overinflated sense of entitlement.

Common Sense

Your entitlement issues are underwhelming. Although you have a right to feel whatever you want to, the fact of the matter is that your SIL's wedding is hers to plan and you have NO say in any of her choices. She owes you nothing, not even an apology. Why should she apologize because you are butt hurt? She did not hurt you. You hurt yourself with your own pre-conceived wrong ideas. Grow up. You seem way too fragile of a person to handle when you do not get things your own way, so perhaps you should pretend to have a headache the day of her bridal shower and especially the day of her wedding. But, do not fuss about your husband and daughter going to his sister's wedding. I hope you are able to get some help to get your through this traumatic time in your life.


Why should you have assumed anything?!! Get over it. This is her day, not yours.


if you been married 10 years now, I would have thought you would be more mature, you sound like a hurt 18 year old girl why do you feel so entitled to be someone elses wedding?

Hot Dog is Back!

Consider yourself lucky - weddings are stupid and dull. Entertainment for lemmings.


You are her husband's sister. You're not an old friend she choose to have in her life. Bridesmaids are usually high school and college friends so I wouldn't take that too seriously (P.S. as you're married you could only be a "matron" not a "maid" anyway). As for your daughter, one wonders if they're even having a flower girl. That's one of the many old wedding traditions that modern couples often don't bother with. It would seem that you thought you were closer to your sister-in-law than she feels to you. But to go to war over this will only sow the seeds of discontent that'll last much longer than this one day event. So I wouldn't. It's just a wedding.


She owes you an apology for not selecting your daughter as her flower girl? Lady, you're a real piece of work.


You are wrong. Who your SIL has in her wedding - is her business....NOT yours.


You are so in the wrong in this one. Why do you need to go dress shopping with her? She doesn't need a third wheel that isn't involved in any planning of the wedding to come see the dress. You can see it at the wedding. Since you werent picked to be in the bridal party, it just means you werent close to begin with. You are upset that it wasn't automatic? Sorry it doesn't work like that. You're daughter wasn't picked as a flower girl? Again, sounds like your family isn't as close to said sister as you hoped. Just because you are family, doesn't mean you are guaranteed a spot in any wedding service. And you should apologize to your sister in law because you are the one acting like a spoiled little brat.


Yes, you're wrong to feel slighted because she didn't owe you a spot as a bridesmaid - or your daughter a spot as a flower girl - in the first place. You're manufacturing drama just to be a pain in the butt. Knock it off.


She hasn't done anything for which she needs for apologize. You may feel any way you want, but it doesn't change the fact that she has a right to choose whomever she wants to stand with her. Some people [gasp] don't even have flower girls or don't invite 19 of their closest friends to go dress shopping. You're incredibly entitled.


Yes. You're wrong to make assumptions about anyone's wedding, thinking it's a reflection on you in any way. You may be close, but she likely has friends who are closer. At any rate, she has nothing to apologize for. No one is owed a spot in her wedding or an explanation why they weren't asked. You're a married woman and mother - it's time to grow up!


No, you're not wrong. She should have said something.


nope its understandable


Who cares


Your not wrong to feel the way you do but please remember that this is her wedding not yours. Try and have joy for them, pray about it and then give up the hurt/anger. God Bless


Slow your roll. What made you assume you'd be part of all this, especially looking at gowns? This isn't supposed to be an entourage, and I'm sure the bride has a mom, sibs or long time friends she'd ask before you. Also, you jumped the gun on the flower girl thing. What if the answer had been no? Now the bride is stuck having an awkward convo because, for some odd reason, it's really important to you that your daughter have a role in someone else's wedding.


You're wrong in assuming anything. Sure, it would be nice to have you and your daughter in the bridal party but she chose not to for whatever reason. Stop huffing and puffing in indignation.


I can understand how you feel .. however, it's never good to assume the other person feels as you feel (or even like you think they feel). SHE .. is doing her wedding the way she wants it done which tells a revealing and hurtful truth to you by not including you. It hurts - but that is how she feels .. nothing you can do about it. Give yourself time to get over it -- then walk away from it with real knowledge. So sorry that you have to go through this .. I know it's shocking and it hurts. It's not wrong of her -- but it's not nice of her either .. she's revealing her true feelings.


It's wrong to expect a spot but it seems to me that isnt the issue. It's the sudden distance right? So yeah you have every right to wonder if something is wrong. Or to think its weird that she didnt ask you or your daughter. And that is simply cause if you were in her place you wouldve. It's about the difference of people. I wouldnt try to ask questions cause it may start something. If theres a problem she should be the one to come to you.


I wouldn't care one way or the other. I declined being a best man because I didn't want the responsibility of it. Weddings and marriages are useless and meaningless to me.


Marriages cause so many traumas in families! It's really a shame. Most brides are torn between asking friends or relatives to be in their wedding party. Some decide based on very shallow reasons. This can either cause a huge rift in the family, or you can decide to be the "better person" and just wish her joy. Yes, she should have asked you in person about your daughter, but this is a very stressful time in a woman's life- try to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Pearl L

i dont think youre wrong to feel that way, nny brothers were the sanne way, when one of thenn got nnarried i got invited to the wedding but never got asked to be a part of it, nny other brother didnt even invite nne