I’m 25 year old woman who is at a breaking point. Manic episodes of bashing my head, hurting myself, screaming because the pain is so unbearable. I’m on three medications (one to stop suicide), and I feel worthless. I was emotional/physically abused at the age of 6+ by my mother. Myfather died when I was 12, I would get hit if I cried for him. No other family anywhere! I have so much good to say about her, but I can’t tell if I’m trying to fabricate how toxic she is. She says I’m a victim constantly and all I want is love. I’m so sad, I’ve called the suicide hotlines a lot. Every hobbie that I enjoyed she shot me down. I’m scared to make friends. I’ve been single for 6 years! I’m scared I’m not worthy of love from anyone. I keep everything inside. I’ve seen and felt things no child should. I have an emotional support kitty and I would love him so much. My mother never hugged me, told me she loved me, congratulated me on pursuing my dream. (until I was in my early 20s’ and I “think” is because she knows I hate myself), she says I’m a vicitim and turns everything I say into anger and lashes out, even to physical violence. Both my brothers are messed up as well. Except my little brother, not so much. 10 year difference and I think my mom learned her lesson and TRIED to change, yet, he thinks she’s to is toxic, and he’s 16! She drinks, smokes and I worry about her constantly, but it makes me ill so I moved away! I couldn’t be her mother’ when I don’t even know what a mother is!
You need a qualified mental health professional who can and will work with you.
You're 25 years old. My mother was abusive. I moved out of her house when I was 18 and put myself through college. You aren't stuck where you are.
You have hobbies? What about a job?
You definitely need to talk to a good counselor.
You need therapy, instead of living for today you are living in the past. There are an enormous amount of auto biographys written by people who have been through the same as you and survived. we call them Misery books in the UK. Find a few, read them and see how to move on.
You are letting her ruin your life. Time to fight back.
You need to go and see a counsellor. They should enable you to work all this stuff out in your head.
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