Why is it that a young man wanted so bad a child but now that he has it he feels sorry for his wife and all that he caused to her?

I do really need advice, because I've been feeling so low lately. I am 27, I have been in a relationship with my wife for 2 years of dating and we got married because we were so in love we couldn't love without each other. My wife is 23, she's a really intelligent girl, learns everything so fast, and she had always the best grades. She was a curious girl with big dreams and imagination. Everything has changed since we had our baby. We both wanted it so bad, and my wife was so happy the day he was born. The same day I realized something that made me really 'sad' (dont know if it's the right word). In the maternity ward I almost panicked after she gave birth, cause of the emotion but also cause she was so sore and got stitches but although everything she kept asking if the baby was healthy or to go check if everything is alright if the baby has something etc... I panicked cause she was not a girl anymore, but a grown woman, and I felt so sorry cause I got her pregnant, we both made love and had fun but she was the one to pay for the consequences (the baby, the pregnancy, the stiches). I cannot imagine how painful must have been. Of course I love our son and I love her, but I feel at fault for everything. She was the one to go through pregnancy and delivery. She got stitches cause I had sex with her and got her pregnant. I started to question everything, life, pain and love. I wish I could protect her from everything but in the end I was the one to cause her all this.


Presumably she was also happy to have a child; you didn't 'force' that on her.


Your feelings are actually quite normal. It's the reason why women, years ago, decided that a man did NOT belong in the birthing room. Now some men can handle this, but some, like you, can't. I would strongly advice you to see your doctor for a complete physical and possibly ask for a referral to see a counselor to help work out your thoughts. A baby is a HUGE responsibility - for both mom and dad.


Pregnancy and childbirth is natural and women generally feel pain when they go through it. It's been that way since the beginning of the human race and it's nothing to feel guilt over. At 23, she's a grown woman who made her own choices to have a baby. You said yourself, she was just as eager to have a child as you were. Yeah, she went through the pain of labor but it's over now and it's irrational to feel the way you're feeling because of it. You can't protect someone from everything.


You have the kind of hangups that are usually only conquered with counseling. Get a good therapist to work through them.


It's called empathy, and it's a good thing to have.


Take a deep breath, and as you exhale, say the healing words "it's not all about me". Repeat as often as necessary.



Oh Boy!

Stop feeling guilty and TALK TO YOUR WIFE about this.