Is a wedding gift mandatory if a wedding shower gift was provided?

I went to the wedding shower maybe two months ago. Not only am I on a budget (single mom with limited income) but I still hold a grudge that when my baby shower came, she didn’t attend or gift me anything. Should a gift be expected for both events?


You're getting some strange answers here. People can think what they want, but at a bridal shower, gifts are mandatory. Period. I don't quite get how you ended up at one when you barely know the bride, because these are supposed to be only closest friends and fam. Wedding gifts have never been mandatory. It's tradition that most people send one, but they aren't mandatory. Also, people do sometimes spending their gift budget for the shower gift and then just give a card at the wedding. Your grudge seems really petty. She probably didn't go to your baby shower for the simple reason she doesn't know you. For some reason, you chose differently for her shower.


A wedding gift is never mandatory. A shower gift is mandatory if you are attending. And your "grudge" is an indication that you need to either grow up and stop keeping score or stay home, because your present attitude makes you a really bad friend.


No, not in the U.S. A shower is one of the few gift-mandatory events. A wedding is not.


Why on earth would your mother's boss's daughter be invited to your wedding shower? And why on earth would you hold a grudge she didn't attend? You sound like all you care about is gifts. Shower gifts are mandatory if you attend. Wedding gifts are never mandatory, but many people choose to send a gift whether they attend the wedding or not. I still don't understand how you are complaining that this is someone you barely know but they didn't give you gifts and now you're wanting to retaliate. Grow up.


They are two different events. Weddings are not gift giving events, even if most people give gifts. A card counts as a gift. A gift giver gives what they want. If you give a gift, its for the couple. A shower is a gift giving event. If you RSVP no, you are not require to send a gift. You could if you want. Most showers are for brides still, the gift is for the bride A shower gift does not count as a wedding gift


A wedding gift is never mandatory. One provides a gift when one attends a shower, since the sole purpose og the shower is hifting the bride (or in your case, mother) to be. You holding a grudge is juvenile.


Well...they will expect one


Yes. Forgive

Hot Dog is Back!

Rub one out on the bride - that’s gift enough


Wedding showers and weddings are two separate events. A shower is essentially a gift grab party. Nonetheless, gifts at both are optional.


Showers are mandatory gift giving events. Weddings are not.

Jackie T

I’ve decided not to go. Will not provide a gift if I’m not going because I don’t have the money. Y’all rude *** people can stop responding now.


It seems very "drama llama" to CHOOSE to do something you don't want to do, and then get all resentful about it. If you didn't want to give a gift, then why didn't you simply decline the shower invitation? A shower is one of the few parties at which gifting is required. That's the whole idea of a shower. When Nina, Gina, & Dina host a shower for Lisa, it means "A gift for Lisa is your admission fee for an afternoon of refreshments and silly games with silly prizes." It's a kind of fund-raiser. A wedding gift is not an admission fee and so is not a requirement. A wedding gift is given as a way to express "Congratulations, I'm happy for you" and/or as a way to say "Thank you for letting me come to your wedding." What etiquette requires is a handwritten note conveying congrats &/or thanks; a gift may be given along with OR INSTEAD OF this handwritten note. If you gave very generously for the shower gift, it's OK to give significantly less as a wedding gift -- or even to give no wedding gift at all, just the congrats & thanks note. The couple would have to be pretty oblivious to NOT take into consideration "Hey, she gave us a Mix Master for the shower -- of course she's not giving us a second gift."


I don't know why people say a wedding gift isn't mandatory. I think it is. If you can't because you don't have any money you can't but if you can you do. It's the same with a shower gift.


"Gifts" are never mandatory. Shower gifts are usually different kinds of things from wedding gifts. If you are attending the reception, it's nice to send a gift, but no one is going to arrest you if you don't. It is odd that someone would invite you to their wedding and then not give you a gift at a baby shower, but you should never feel obliged to buy something you can't afford.


Gifts are never mandatory.


yes a gift is needed whether you go to the event or not