What do I do about my jealous Sister in law? We’ve been great friends for years but now that I have a daughter her jealousy has ramped up?

When I found out I was pregnant I was so excited to tell her. She instantly told me she thought she might be too and asked if I would be jealous. I said no because I genuinely wouldn’t be. 3 weeks after my daughter was born she announced she was pregnant. At 10 weeks, she found out she was having a girl. My daughter is 10 months old and her girl is 1 month old. Every time she sees my daughter she tells me she thinks her eyes are going to change to brown. Her eyes have been hazel since 6 months. I want them to stay hazel but if they turn brown it’s still okay. It really doesn’t matter but I would prefer hazel. She knows this so every time she sees her she insists they will be brown. She wants them to be brown so my daughter will be “less special”. I don’t believe eye color determines if she’s special or not but since both of her boys have brown eyes, if my daughter doesn’t she will view it that way. I try to down play success I have because she tried to undermine what I do. It’s hard because it’s not just my successes but my daughters also. For instance my daughter is about to start walking. Her boys didn’t walk till after 1. She has already made comments about how girls develop differently so if she starts walking, that’s why. While maybe true, I shouldn’t have to qualify or justify my daughters developments just to make you feel better about your kids. I wish she could see that my daughter can shine and her kids can too. It doesn’t have to be a competition. What should I do?

Variable 46

You're busy enough raising a child to worry about anyone else's jealousy. If she's making disagreeably jealous comments about your daughter, simply smile and say "maybe you're right" or "we'll see" or anything else pleasantly non-committal and then move the conversation on. Do not try to argue or rebut her as that will just be a waste of your limited energy. If you feel a primal urge to somehow "put her in her place" for being so jealous, just be aware that your non-concern is likely to drive her crazy...but it's still the best approach to take.


Grow up. Quickly